Vulva Diversity 🌸

I only realised how different each vulva looks when I was about to eat one for the first time!

If that subtitle doesn’t get your attention… you’re homophobic. I’m just messing with you but welcome horny readers and prepare yourself to read about me eating pussy for the first time. I really hope I’ve gained the right audience of Sapphics and not horny men who are going to send me an unsolicited dick pic later on but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make so that you, my beloved reader, can take away from this piece just how uneducated the majority of people are about the diversity of vulvas.

So, when did you last have a good look at your vulva? I’m not talking about staring down at your mons pubis in the shower but actually getting a mirror or your trusty phone camera and having a good stare (if you’re taking pics remember to delete them from your deleted folder as well). I now own an extravagant hand held mirror for this very purpose. I’m also always worrying about getting thrush or if that ingrown hair is actually a genital wart, so I consider it a worthwhile purchase.

I remember having a look in a mirror a while ago when I’d read some online discourse about doing so and learning to love your vulva because they can all look very different, so curiously I joined in and had a look. I didn’t think “wow, that is the most beautiful vulva I’ve ever seen!” Nor did I think that it’s ugly but I thought “hmm ok what’s the fuss about? Why are we actively telling people to look at their vulvas? Do we really need to be having this conversation?” Then I didn’t really think much of it. Until, that is, I had sex with a woman for the first time.

This was the first time I’d seen another woman’s vulva up close (and very personal). I was nervous about giving head for the first time and various thoughts were whirling round my brain: What if I don’t like it? I did. Does that mean I’m not attracted to women? Bollocks. How do you do it? Communicate. What if I’m bad at it? You aren’t ‘good’ or ‘bad’ at sex. But that was all the internalised homophobia and shame talking. Those thoughts melted away when I realised I was loving it and she was very good at communicating what felt good for her but one thought that did linger was: “how does this vulva look so different to mine?” This is what they mean about ‘innie’ vulvas, I thought. The labia were so tucked away I couldn’t find the clit!

I was mortified. A sex educator who couldn’t find the clit. Now, hear me out, and hold back your judgement before no woman ever wants to have sex with me again. I knew the general region for where the clit was supposed to be but it was so tucked away, whereas, mine is so out in the open, popping out to say hello. I couldn’t find the little fella.

I also felt like a hypocrite having slagged off men for years about not being able to find the clit and here I was in exactly the same predicament. Well, actually it wasn’t exactly the same because I think that discourse goes more along the lines of men prioritising their own pleasure over women’s during sex but nevertheless I felt embarrassed. These thoughts are all happening in a nanosecond btw and didn't last long because we communicated and I did find the clit (hooray!) and they lived happily ever after in post orgasmy bliss.

Well that last part’s a lie actually, neither of us came, which is funny because my queer friends had told me that ‘gay’ sex lasts for hours and everyone comes multiple times but I wasn’t disappointed about it. Maybe I would have been if I still thought that orgasms = the sex was good, and a lack of orgasms = the sex was bad. I think this line of thought carried over from the men I’d had sex with who didn’t care to make me orgasm. This wasn't like that.

In fact, it’s one of my most treasured sexual experiences to date. Of course, me trying to find the clit doesn't give this story the beautiful justice that it deserves as to why it sits so treasured in my memory bank but I don’t need to share it all with you.

Let me finish where I started “I only realised how different vulvas looked when I was about to eat one for the first time!” That is wild. I literally have my own vulva and I didn’t know how different they could look. Straight men end up knowing more about how different vulvas look to one another than straight women! And that is truly baffling when you have one between your legs.

There are a couple of inspiring people who are educating people about vulva diversity including: The Vulva Gallery, This is a Vulva (working to stem the rise in labiaplasty), and Lydia Reeves (a female body casting artist) who recently displayed a variety of vulva castings in an exhibition. I went and it was amazing!

I hope you come away from this wanting to 1) learn about the diversity of vulvas (ignore me if you’re already a seasoned vulva connoisseur but I am most definitely a novice) and 2) to look at your vulva more. Is it an innie or an outtie? Let me know in the comments!

Big Clit Energy xxx